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How to Deal With Unsolicited Parenting Advice
What is it that they say? Don't discuss sex, religion or politics in public. Why? Because we have all got different ideas about what is right. When you are at work or at Aunt Sally's it may be best to steer clear of these controversial subjects. But, even if we try, we may find ourselves challenged by friends or relatives about the way we live. I have found that the most common topics I find myself debating involve my children. People have very strong opinions about the way children should be raised.
It may begin with the choice to breastfeed and extend to where your infant sleeps at night. The eyes will no doubt be upon any mother who reacts to a toddler's misbehavior at a play group. On another front, what combination of compassion and tough love is right for your growing teen? There are so many decisions we have to make as parents but there is no one right way to manage it all. None-the-less well-meaning bystanders will not refrain from enriching you with their wisdom.
Important Step Parenting
Advice
How can we wade through unsolicited advice without offending anyone or feeling the need to defend our choices at every turn? In my experience, there have been three types of challengers: curious onlookers, self-appointed experts, and enforcers. Each type has a specific objective and each one requires a different strategy to keep peace in the relationship without submitting to their directives. Curious onlookers will casually ask you why you do what you do.
If you are homeschooling your children, for instance, they will typically ask why you homeschool and how you establish proof of progress. They will inquire about your outside activities to ensure that your children are adequately socialized. After you respond, and provide some facts about your choice, they will usually be satisfied and you can move on to another subject without too much difficulty. Self-appointed experts are a little bit more aggressive. If, for instance you are breastfeeding a toddler, they will try to persuade you that your choice is inappropriate.
The Best Parenting Advice For Parents of Toddlers Or Teens
They may even try to convince you that what you are doing is harmful or even illegal. They feel that it is well within their rights to give you their two cents even if they are only a casual acquaintance or a stranger. For these people, a smile and nod response will usually help you tolerate the moment, letting it pass without much trouble. If you have a strong conviction about your choice, you may try to inform this challenger of your reasons and to deter them from their position. Enforcers are the hardest challengers to deal with.
These people are generally close to you, a member of your immediate family or from your in-laws. They feel a sense of responsibility for you and your family and therefore feel that they deserve some level of authority over your life. If, for example, you don't allow your child to go to sleep-overs, they will continually challenge your position by discounting your reasons and offering invitations to your child directly to try to force you to give in. These situations can be quite difficult.
Finding Parental Advice Online
The best way to deal with them is for the person who is most closely related to the enforcer speak to them about the subject and ask them to respect your family's decision. This may not stop the enforcer's attempts to influence you, but it should greatly reduce the intensity about that subject. If the enforcer challenges you on many fronts, you may want to limit your conversations to safe topics such as the weather, sports, or nature.
Being a parent is the hardest job on Earth. None of us is perfect and we all end up living with the consequences of our action or inaction. I hope that these descriptions will assist you in effectively dealing with the inevitable challenges you will face. The most important part of the message is to keep your cool and remember that when you get advice from others, what you accept and what you leave behind is up to you and your family.
